Sardarji in ATM

1..Master Ji: Chal koi SHER suna..

Student:

Mota marta MOTI pe..

Bhooka marta ROTI pe..

Master ji ki do betiya...

lekin me marta CHHOTI pe.. :P

2..Teacher: Import aur export ka ek example do..

Student: Sonia Gandhi & Sania Mirja..

3..Prinicipal :Late kyu aye ho..

Golu: Sir Bike kharab ho gayi thi..

Principal:bus mein nahi aa sakte the kya?

Golu: Sir meine bola tha par apki beti nahi mani... :) :P

4..Science teacher: agar koi ladki behosh ho jaye to usko kiss karo turant hosh mein aa jayegi

Student: sir, magar usko behosh kaise kiya jaye?

5..prof: whr is ur assignment??

student: sir, I lost it while fighting with students who said that 

you were not the best prof in college....

6..teacher: how can you distribute 8 apples among 6 people equally??

Santa: juice banake de do madam...

7...Que. how to kill an ant ? asked in exam for 8 marks..

Student: Mix chilli powder with sugar & keep it outside the ant;s home..

after eating ant will search 4 water.. !

somewhere near water tank push ant into it..!

now ant will go 2 dry herself near fire..!

when it reaches near fire put a bomb into fire ..

then admit wounded ANT in ICU and remove oxygen mask

from it's mouth & kill the ant!!! :) :)

Humse panga , 8 marks ke liye khud ko mar de chiti kya chij hai!!

 haha haha ..:)

8..Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

9..Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

10..Principal to students: You should sleep 7 hours a day...

Student: But sir college is for only 6 hours.. :)

11..Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people are no longer interested?

Student: A teacher.

12..Father:Ram! what have you studied in school this day?

Son: Dad! Teacher asked me 'where is Africa?'

Father:Oh!silly!Are they searching the africa still? My teacher also asked the same question in my schooldays!

13..Teacher: Hari, Tell me where is america?

Hari: I dont know teacher!

Teacher:Stand up on the bench

Hari:(after standing on the Bench)Teacher from here also I dont know!

14..Maths Teacher: Jab mein tumhare jitna bada tha, mere maths mein 100 marks ate the..

Student: Sir, Apko koi achha teacher padhata hoga.. !! :) :)

15..master: kanjoos bole to kaun?

st: hum chahe jitne bhi 'sms' kare uska 'reply' jo na kare vo..

master: uska ek example do,..

st: apki beti..

16..Teacher: Late kyu ho? School 8 baje suru hota hai..

Boy: ap meri fikar na kiya karo, school suru kar liya karo..

17..Govt. school ke bachche kisi ko ghaseet ke school le ja rahe the..

Bujurg: isko chhor do ye khud schhol aayega..

Boy: Ye student nahi school ka master hai..

18...Maa- aj school se inti jaldi kaise aa gaye..

Golu: Machhar mara to teacher ne chhutti de di.

Ma: Aisa kyu?

Golu: Machhar teacher ke Gaal par baitha tha..

19..Teacher: Tum bade ho kar kya karoge 

Pappu: Shadi.. 

Teacher: Nahi mera matlab hai kya banoge? 

Pappu: Dulha !! 

Tchr: ohhoo, I mean bade hokar hasil kya karoge??

Pappu: Dulhan..!! :)

Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?

Student- Bahu laaunga

Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?

Student: Pota

Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?

Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho......!!!!!

20..Boyfriend : “Last night I had a dream of you.”

Girlfriend (got excited): – “Maine kya kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke”

Boyfriend replied : “We were traveling in bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river.

Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone.”

Girlfriend (with love): I was searching for you, na?

Boyfriend said: NO, You were shouting- “Arrey, conductor kidhar gaya, 2 rupaye lene the”!!

21..1 Aurat chappal wali dukaan pe: Chappal dikhao…

Dukandar: Kitna number?

Aurat: 36

Dukandar: Bahin ji, Dimag pe zor laga ke socho, Kya lene Aayi ho?

22..Wife: Zara Kitchen se Namak lete aana….!

Husband: Yahaan toh koi Namak nahi hai..!

Wife: Mujhe pata tha..!

Tum toh ho hi Andhe..!

Kaamchor ho..!

ek kam dhang se nahi ker sakte..!

Bas bahaane banaate ho..!

jindagi mey kuch to kam karo…!

Tumhe nahin milega, Isliye pehle hi le aayi thi..!

‘Husband Shoked!’

Girl : Tum mujhe apni heere ki ring de do, mein ring ko dekh

ke tumhe yaad kiya karungi,

Boy : Tum ye sochkar yaad kar lena ki kamine se ring mangi

thi aur usne nahi di.

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Line marne ke bahut se tarike hai jinme se

3 mazedar ye hain

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.

.

.

.

1. Pencil se

2. Pen se

3. Marker se

Kabhi to sidha socha kar  

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Girlfriend ke aansu aur boyfriend ke aansu me kya fark hai?

GF ke aansu farmaish puri karwane ke liye nikalte hain,

Jabki boyfriend ke aansu unhe pura karte karte nikalte hain!

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Welcome to “Sach ka samna”

.

.

Jawab sirf haan ya na me dena hai

Toh lo aapke liye pehla sawal

Kya aapne mandiro se chappal churana chor diya hai

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Aisi wani boliye ki jamkar jhagda hoye

Guar farmaiyega Aisi wani boliye ki jamkar jhagda hoye

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..

..

..

Par usse na boliye jo tose tagda hoye!! 

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Sardarji in ATM

 An ATM is considered as a very complicated machine in rural India. There are lot of funny incidents that happen around the ATM. At time when you find sardarjis using an ATM you would feel that this is one of the most complicated machines ever to be made and would wonder as to what is it that would be simple and easy for him.

I was once standing in line at an ATM and there were 2 sardarjis standing in front of me. I could figure out that they were friends from the way they were chatting. But each of them would hide their ATM cards from each other as if that was the most precious thing in life.

This ATM has 2 machines inside and it could accomodate 2 people. I saw both these friends get into the cubicle together. Suddenly they were serious and there was dead silence.

1st Sardar inserted his card into the machine and the 2nd one peeped at him. The moment he entered his pin number, the 2nd sardar screamed with joy and started shouting.

2nd Sardar: I saw it, I saw it. i saw your pin number.
The 1st sardar was stunned. His face went pale and he was loss of breathes.

2nd Sardar: Your pin number is ****

The 1st sardar burst laughing. He said, “Wrong, wrong. You have got it wrong”.

1st Sardar: My pin number is not ****. It is 1278.

Pappu in Kaun Banega Crorepati..........

Pappu Kaun Banega Crorepati Main:
Question: What is you father name?
Pappu: Plz Options?
a. Dabbu
b. Babbu
c. Shabbu
d. Hubbu
Pappu: Life line-50/50
a. Dabbu
c. Shabbu
Pappu: Audience Vote.
75% Dabbu
25% Shabbu

Pappu: Main apni last life line use karna chahta hu “Phone a friend.”

Kisse call karengy?
Pappu: Apne baap Dabbu ko!

Baniya Hindi Jokes..........

Baniye ki Adat
Train mein ik mosquito Funny Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha.
Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya. Fir ik matchar Bania pe baitha.
Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha “khareedoge kya !!!” 
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Ek Lota paani de de.......... 
Bania's Son: Papaji bahar Swimming pool k liye chanda mang rahe he..
Kanjoos Bania: Koi baat nahi Beta, Ek lota paani de de.
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Mere papa ko nahi jante
Teacher:   Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain.
10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain.
Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania's son: Kutch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Bania's funny son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

A middle aged woma........

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied - I didn't recognize you."

There are two ants.......

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties. One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour. So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave.

After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.

One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant.

"It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave?".

"Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

Bartan Achay Dhultay hain...........

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai. Mai Kehta hon,
Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

Answer bata ke ja...........

SARDARji : Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

FRIEND :Main jaa raha hun.

SARDARji : Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

Εmail & Female

American says : US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..
 
Sardarji says : India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai…

roaming lagti h.........

Sonu- Mera ghar itna bada h k usme local train chlti h...
Monu- bas, saale mera ghar itna bada h k agar 
ek-kone se dusre-kone chale jao to roaming lagti hai..

Teacher: There is a frog, .........

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .
Then, what is my age?

STUDENT:32 yrs.

Teacher: How do you know?

STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Principal : I tried ur number.......

Principal : I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off…!

STUDENT said :”ya. it’s my CALLER TUNE”
Principal shock…!
 
Student rocks….!